Japanese weddings are a blend of tradition, culture, and contemporary living. As a guest at a Japanese wedding, it's essential to know the customs and etiquette to honor the couple and their families. Going to a traditional Shinto wedding or a contemporary celebration, knowing what to do and what not to do, will make you enjoy the wedding without a problem. The following is a guide to Japanese wedding etiquette for guests.
In Japan, money is usually given as wedding presents. Individuals present their money in a special envelope, a shūgi-bukuro or a konyaku-ire. The envelopes contain wedding-themed pictures and symbols of good fortune. The money you give varies depending on your closeness to the couple, but it is between ¥30,000 and ¥50,000 for close family members or friends.
Ensure you give the gift beforehand or at the wedding. It indicates that you are thoughtful and that you care. It is not proper to give a wedding gift during the wedding ceremony or Reception unless specifically invited by the couple.
It is highly essential to dress formally for a wedding in Japan. Dark suits and ties are to be worn by men, and conservative dress or formal attire is to be worn by women. Kimono is an outdated attire that can be worn, particularly by the bride, but Western formal attire is what the guests often wear. Bright colors like red are best avoided since they draw too much attention. White should also be avoided since it is reserved for the bride.
Japanese Women must opt for simple attire—dresses or skirts below the knees and a demure neckline. Nothing shiny or loud is to be worn, as the spotlight will be on the couple.
Punctuality is greatly emphasized in Japan, especially in weddings. Being late is rude, so ensure you get to the venue early. If the ceremony is at 2:00 PM, try to arrive 15 to 20 minutes prior. This will give you time to settle in before the activity starts.
Japanese weddings traditions are usually followed by traditional Shinto ceremonies, such as the san-san-kudo ceremony, in which the bride and groom take three cups of sake. The guests must be respectful during such ceremonies and keep quiet, as they are significant. If the bride and groom choose to incorporate Shinto or other traditional aspects, sitting in silence and only participating when invited is essential.
Japanese wedding receptions (kekkon hiroen) tend to be quite large parties. Guests may be asked to bring a second gift of money during this Reception. A guest book may be provided for signing, in which guests write their well wishes to the couple. There may be entertainment, speeches, and dancing at times. As a guest, you will primarily have a chance to partake in the meal, wish the couple luck, and converse courteously with the other guests.
Be observant of your manners at the Reception. The dinner may be in multiple courses, and one should not be too boisterous or loud. Do not eat before the couple, and do not make noise if there is a toast or speech; simply listen attentively.
Whenever speaking with the couple, always wish them well politely. In Japan, "ご結婚おめでとうございます" (gokon omedetou gozaimasu) is "Congratulations on your marriage" and an appropriate greeting. The bride and groom will thank you for your positive and supportive comments.
White is the bride's attire, so you can't dress in white as a guest. Red is a pretty and cheerful color, but it's a bride color in certain situations, too, so don't dress in it. Dressed-up bright colors or casual attire might look disrespectful towards the couple, so dress in softer or neutral colors.
In Japan, discussing divorce or ill of marriage is not considered appropriate at wedding ceremonies or receptions. One must maintain a festive, cheerful mood and avoid any discussion that could ruin the celebratory mood. The focus must always be on the happiness and success of Japanese marriage.
Japanese wedding invitations typically go to singles, not couples. You must not bring an uninvited guest if the invitation does not specify that you can get a plus-one. If unsure, politely ask the couple or the wedding planners beforehand.
Some presents are considered to be unlucky in Japan. They are items presented in pairs, such as scissors or handkerchiefs. They represent being parted, and that is something not wanted for a wedding. And do not give something that contains the number four. That is an unlucky number because it is pronounced like the word for death.
Japanese culture emphasizes decorum, and a wedding is no exception. Being too boisterous, telling bad jokes, or being a pest is rude. Keep your behavior under control at all times, and be courteous in your words instead of being a show-off.
Japanese weddings are family-centered. Do not attempt to cause any problem or tension between the families. If you have issues or problems with other wedding attendees, keep them aside during the wedding. The wedding celebrates love and unity, and your role as a guest contributes to that positive ambiance.
Participating in a Japanese wedding is a lovely experience. It gives you a chance to be a part of a unique moment in life. If you pay attention to these critical do's and don'ts, you will be a thoughtful and gracious guest. Do note that weddings in Japan are all about respect, custom, and etiquette. So, being polite and thoughtful will make the event enjoyable for everyone involved. Be it a traditional Shinto ceremony or a modern wedding reception, being sensitive to the cultural aspects of Japanese wedding etiquette will help you enjoy the event without a hitch.