In most cultures of the world, to say "I love you" is the height of showing affection, and it's usually the default phrase used to convey romantic feelings. In Japan, love is expressed in more subtle and different ways, and the phrase "I love you" (aishiteru 愛してる) is not spoken as freely as it may be in Western societies. Instead, Japanese individuals convey love in ways that are deeply embedded in cultural values such as respect, humility, and emotional restraint. The way that love is expressed in Japan shows the society's focus on action rather than words so that love becomes more rooted in everyday life and less dependent on dramatic verbal expressions.
Love is communicated in Japan through action, not in words. In Japanese society, it's commonly thought that one's actions speak louder than the words that they say. This can be observed in the manner in which couples show concern for one another through everyday gestures and chores.
The word aishiteru (愛してる) is technically "I love you," but in Japan, it is used much less than in Western societies. This is because being open with feelings is usually considered too blunt or even awkward. Far too often, words aishiteru will be held in reserve for exceptional, emotional experiences or significant relationship milestones, such as proposals of marriage or earnest declarations of love. Rather than uttering aishiteru, Japanese couples can use more subtle phrases like suki (好き), which means "I like you" or "I have feelings for you." Suki is one that people tend to use when couples are new to each other or even informally to show liking towards someone. It is used to convey affection without the emotional burden of aishiteru.
In Japanese relationships, physical touch may be subtle yet may express significant emotional intimacy. Though public shows of affection are not as universal as in the West, pairs will instead have their love spoken in a more inner or intimate manner. Holding a hand in the public space is a powerful symbol of closeness but will generally be restricted, especially where regions are very conservative. In personal situations, physical affection can also involve light touches, embracing, and the act of just sitting near one another. These non-verbal, subtle expressions of love hold great emotional value in a relationship and represent one of the primary means by which Japanese people express affection without words.
Gift-giving is a powerful tool in Japanese culture that is used to express concern and love. In relationships, a well-timed gift could convey love even without verbalizations. The subject of Japanese gift-giving does not lie on the monetary worth of the item but on who gave it—how much one cares. Having to select what gift to choose—something one understands the likes, needs, or wants of the other individual—exposes one's expression of love and concern. A good example of this is found on occasions such as Valentine's Day or White Day. During Valentine's Day, Japanese women tend to give chocolates to men; the quality and form of chocolate that is shown indicates the extent of the relationship. On White Day, the men turn around and give things back. All these are done with the unspoken sense of love and affection, which is louder than words.
Another powerful expression of love in Japan is through the philosophy of kintsugi, which is the ancient Japanese art of repairing cracked pottery with gold or silver. In love, kintsugi describes how Japanese couples show love in perseverance and concern, even when things are tough. Instead of seeing conflict or flaw as something to be avoided, it's embraced as a part of the relationship, and love is demonstrated by the process of healing, learning, and growing together.
Another central component of love in Japan is the theme of wa (和), or harmony or balance. Wa is a cultural ideal that values the preservation of unity and respect within relationships. Japanese couples tend not to engage in overt conflict or angry argumentation but instead, aim to achieve harmony and comprehension.. In a relationship, this focus on harmony can come out in little day-to-day things, such as whispering to each other, looking out for each other's needs, and accommodating one another so that the relationship doesn't become tipped or strained. This unassuming commitment to harmony and respect is sometimes more than saying, "I love you."
Silence is also a vital component of Japanese relationships, and love can be expressed by sharing a feeling of peace and contentment with one another's presence, even when there is no need to speak. The joy of just being present together without always having to speak or reassure feelings is interpreted as an indicator of strong affection. It's a form of quiet comprehension that is not dependent on words but rather expresses love in terms of presence and respect.
Love in Japan tends to be expressed in delicate, indirect terms that focus on respect, concern, and comprehension. From acts of thoughtfulness to giving gifts to the profound devotion to preserving harmony and equilibrium in a relationship, the Japanese view of love emphasizes the significance of actions rather than words. Although "I love you" might be saved for more important occasions, these subtle shows of affection reveal a great deal about the level of love present in Japanese relationships. By embracing these non-verbal cues, Japanese relationships exhibit a subtle, long-lasting commitment that is far deeper than the surface level.